Introverts are speech fatalists and mystery hoarders

I’ve been enjoying this album from French artist Oklou. I like it because it’s real introvert music: with a soft, gentle voice she sings lyrics that are hard to make sense of, accompanied by alien-sounding but unobtrusive synths. The cliche about introverts is that “still waters run deep”, but it is a nice metaphor for the kind of desire an introvert can evoke. While extroverts bore you with shallow elevator pitches about themselves, the introverts say nothing and wait patiently for you to take an interest in them. And even when you do take an interest, they refuse to express themselves clearly, creating an impression of mystery and profundity.

But introverts are not necessarily actually more profound and more interesting than their extroverted counterparts; that’s just the impression they leave behind. Is that cleverly calculated? Even though I’m sure that many introverts learn to enjoy the aura of mystery they cloak themselves in, this can’t be the primary reason for introversion, since they have to pay a hefty price for their shyness: not being able to fill an awkward silence with chit-chat, not being able to network professionally, not being able to strike up a conversation with that attractive person at the bar, etc.

In fact, most of the time we see introverts not as interesting myterious people but as socially maladjusted. They are awkward, shy, insecure. And many introverts would agree and strive to overcome the shyness. So what exactly is going on? What is the cause of introverted suffering?

I propose that the introvert is suffering from speech fatalism. He believes that words can never fully express his thoughts and feelings, and if he tries to do so anyway, he will be inevitably misunderstood, so it’s better to not speak at all. The introvert is painfully aware of her alienation to others: it’s better to keep quiet and let people think you’re a weirdo, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

This alienation and resulting failure of communication cannot be overcome, it is part of the human condition. But wait, what about extroverts? Aren’t they normal, happy and socially well-adjusted? No, they simply have a different way of dealing with the fact of alienation. Instead of accepting the impossibility of speech and becoming fatalist, they deny it and become pretenders. The extrovert pretends to be normal by saying normal things, and when they inevitably fail and say something weird, they quickly paper over the mistake by saying more normal things, not giving you time to notice the weirdness.

Rather than seeing alienation is something purely negative and trying to overcome it, we should remind ourselves of alienation’s positive side: it’s what makes us truly subjects, since, if it were possible to completely figure someone out, that person would effectively turn into an object. Every reaction, every behavior would be perfectly predictable. They would not be free, since they would be wholly determined by some combination of the social order and biological instinct.

For the extrovert then, embracing alienation means to turn pretension into performativity. This way, the extrovert doesn’t have the stress of keeping up appearances and the anxiety of being found out as an imposter, but they can wear their masks like a double agent, using and changing their social performance as is convenient to them.

Introverts should be careful to not let their fatalism turn into isolation and depression, but courageously embrace the weirdness of their speech to become a kind of hero of alienation. By letting their speech be incomprehensible they can both keep the Other at a proper distance and also manipulate his desire by saying: you can never really know me.